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Have you ever sat back, listened to a song and though to yourself “His voice is so sexy, I’d fuck him in a second”? I’m guessing you probably have. Some male vocalists have voices that sound like free sex to my ears. If their singing could be transformed into another medium it would definitely be porn - porn for my ears. Can you tell I have an unhealthy obsession with music?

Hi, I’m Amy. I’m the new girl at Sexporntubecentral – what’s up?

Back to my blog post, I’m going to list off some of the most fuckable voices in music. Don’t worry, I love all genres of music and will feature at least one artist from each. It was hard to narrow down genres of music, seeing as there are SO many these days. Before you get a knot in your panties, I’m well aware that I’m leaving out many amazing voices. My list isn’t big enough for everyone. Alright, get ready to get super-wet. May I present to you the Seventeen Voices I’d Love To Fuck!

Rock: Trent Reznor

Lead singer from Nine Inch Nails, winner of an Academy Award and owner of the sexiest gritty industrial rock voice on the planet. One listen to Closer or Perfect Drug by NIN and you’ll know what I’m talking about.

Pop: Jack Johnson

He has such a soulful voice, every girl in North America loves him and every guy has Jack Johnson on his iTunes in case they want to get laid. Jack Johnson is sex music.

R&B: Marvin Gaye/D’Angelo/Everyone in BoysIIMen

Marvin Gaye is obvious; he has a song called sexual healing! D’Angelo’s song Untitled (How Does It Feel) makes my lady bits tingle; have you SEEN that music video? And finally, all of Boys II Men. I would sleep with anyone who seduced me with I’ll Make Love To You; does that sound slutty? Never mind, I don’t care, I’m standing by that statement.

Hip Hop: Usher

Usher has been killing it with his sensual ballads since the 90s. He first won me over with Nice and Slow. The beginning of that song is him breathing and talking sexy into the mic. These days he’s releasing songs like Trading Places. If you haven’t watched the video for that song, I suggest you head over to YouTube right now.

Country: Paul Brandt

Yes, country artists can have fuckable voices. Paul Brandt writes songs and sings them as if he is singing to you and no one else. He has a sexy little twang in his voice that will drive you wild.

Soul: Barry White

I shouldn’t have to explain why Barry White is on my list. His deep voice has been making panties drop for decades now and it will for decades to come. His voice is so smooth, sultry and delicious. If his voice was an item of food it would be chocolate covered strawberries dipped in whipped cream. Get the picture?

Rap: Eminem

Let me explain why Eminem is sexy. No its not because of his brief-but-hot sex scene with Brittany Murphy in 8Mile. No, it’s not because he’s a bad-boy and every girls loves a bad-boy. It is because when he raps, he can keep a fast tempo. That is sexy. Think of what else he can do with that tongue. He is extremely talented in his art. But yes, it doesn’t hurt that he is aesthetically pleasing to the eye.

Metal: Tommy Rogers from Between The Buried And Me/Ronnie Canizaro from Born Of Osiris

Both of these artists have amazing screaming voices. Tommy Rogers also has an amazing singing voice. Tommy Rogers is the Freddie Mercury of metal. Ronnie Canizaro has a fucking awesome scream. I never thought a scream would turn me on. But it does. Listen to Bow Down by Born Of Osiris and Alaska by Between The Buried And Me.

Punk: Billy Joe Armstrong circa Dookie

Let me preface this by saying I am NOT a fan of any Green Day album other than Dookie. That being said, Billy Joe’s voice is so fucking hot. He’s your typical immature punk-kid. I’m a sucker for punk bands and if I could I would have listed at least ten names here.

August is the month of going away on vacation. For some it is lounging on a yacht off the island of St. Tropez. For us common folk, we are more likely found lounging around the swampy beach of our family friend’s cottage. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love cottages. There is nothing more relaxing than lying on a dock in the sun listening to the water crash into the shoreline. But more often than not, visiting cottages means traveling with our partners to family-packed cottages with paper-thin walls and one washroom if we’re lucky (outhouses suck). Sure, you and your partner can still go at it like rabbits at a family cottage, but instead of being extremely loud and having every other guest in the cottage think an adult video is being filmed in the next room, it is best to be as quest as possible. Remember, all cottage walls are paper-thin. Here are some ways you and your lover can still enjoy some xxx fun up north.

1. No Groping In Public

Nobody is ever comfortable with public displays of affection – especially your single, bitter friends or your family members in general (yes, it is kind of disgusting to be all over your significant other in front of your grandmother or uncle Joe). Keep it private, and keep it to yourself. Everyone knows you and your partner are sexually intimate, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be seen.

2. No Hooking Up With Strangers

This is not a grimy club, it is a family cottage. You are not tripping on ecstasy, you are probablydrunk on four Budweisers. Deciding to fuck someone who is already up at the cottage will just make everything awkward for everyone. Secrets don’t exist in cottage life, like I said – the walls are thin. If a couple is fighting, you will know. If a couple is fucking, you will know. Don’t be “that” couple. Keep your dignity. If you really want to enjoy cottage life in a “sexual” way, at least bring someone up ahead of time. A fuck buddy that you wouldn’t have a problem spending the weekend with is the best choice. Free sex on the weekend? Perfect.

3. Silence is Golden

When you and your partner decide to retire to the bedroom to get it on, play this little game – no noise allowed. You may be thinking “But, listening to her moan and groan is half of what gets me off!!” Tough titties. I forbid you to make noise. In fact, trying your best not to make any noise while fucking someone is extremely hot and kinky. You will feel like you could get caught at any moment. Your adrenaline will be pumping.

Have fun at the cottage this weekend, kiddies.

Are you starting to run out of creative bedroom ideas? Put on a free sex show for your partner. Your man will never want to look at porn again if you perform live in front of him. Touching yourself and really getting into the moment while he watches will drive him wild with pleasure. He will want to jump your bones, but you can’t let him. Be a tease; it will only intensify the passion.

The best thing to you that will DEFINITELY catch his attention is to start touching yourself unexpectedly while you two break away from your hot and heavy make out session. Say, he goes to grab a condom or bottle of lube, while you are lying there start touching yourself. He will look over in shock and amazement and probably wont move (except to get a better view).

Another transition period that will shock him is when you switch positions during sex. Say he flips you over on all fours into doggy position, use your fingers and spread your lips open. Play with yourself, or even better, grab his hand (or package) and rub it against yourself. Hands on sex is the best sex.

If you really just want to give him a show, you need to go all out. Make him sit down and make sure you are wearing something sexy. Do a little dance; possibly the lap kind? Slowly undress until you are fully naked and then do your thing. Go slow, and then really get into it. If you usually masturbate by rubbing your clitoris, insert a finger or two inside yourself anyway. This makes for a better show, even if it does nothing for you – your man will love it.

If you want to bump up the sex factor a bit more, perform for him in the shower. Lather up and rub yourself down. “Interact” with your shower head. Those pulsating water vibrations can really do the trick.